Beating the Draft

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Tuesday 15th July

Finn Finnegan - Male Halfling F/T - Jeff Clendon
Flung Chow Wong - Male Human Monk (FW TF) - Ian Luxton
Halcyon - Female Priestess of Panadine - Matt Carr
Jack Rabbit - Male Halfling Thief - Darryl Sherwood
Mel Licious - Dwarf Psionicist - Steven Krijnen
Polly Ester - Female Human Bard - NPC
Ulotta Puck-off - Female Shield Maiden Parry-Fighter - Edwin Muir
DM - Andrew Earl

We were on the road again, finally. After deciding that the climate
round Spine didn't really suit Halflings and that Emerald City sounded
really excellent, ie. "a fuuken long weigh aweigh" as Asi put it, we
were on the way to Furness to take passage on the earliest boat out.

After meeting up with three more travellers at Furndeck (see last time),
"aand you'll heeading to Fuurness too arre ya", we set off up the coast
in a lovely covered wagon.

The trip was generally uneventful, thank heavens, we have had
enough "events" to last us a lifetime. Well, a few weeks anyway.

One noteworthy "event" on the trip was a couple of encounters with
patrols of Furness militia. We almost lost Ulotta to the Furness army
and the new party members, Halcyon and Jack Rabbit, demonstrated
most useful abilities.

We spotted the first patrol way in the distance and were able to
ascertain that they were militia long before they would have seen us.
Well, probably.

"Sheeft to da syde of da rooad" I said, "we doon't woont any trooble"

They stopped us anyway while their shifty-eyed sergeant ran his shifty
eye over the lot of us. He was obviously taken with Ulotta's natural
ability, and most likely her bust, and informed her that she had been
drafted into the Furness militia and was to accompany his patrol until
they got back to town and she received her commission.

"Whoot the fuuk? you doon't warnt hur, she's a sheet fyter" I
commented. A most unsuccessful attempt to dissuade the good
sergeant I might add as he looked straight at me and said "I think you
might make a good scout".

"Noo, Noo, cough wheeze pant, I'd neever harve da starmina, cough"

That stupid bint Ulotta offered us all as a "special ops" group and his
eyes lit up a bit.

Halcyon, bless her heart, just looked at the sergeant, blinked her lovely
green eyes, thrust out her ample chest, and said "But sergeant, this is
my personal guard, whatever will I do without her. I have to travel all
the way to Emerald City and without her I might be accosted by any
number of brigands, thieves, or heaven forbid, rapists"

The sergeant's eyes never wavered from Halcyon's chest, a thin trickle
of drool ran out of the corner of his mouth, and he said "Uggh, ... oh
yeah, quite right, absolutely, yes indeed, good point, nice tits, off with
you then ..." I think he might still be standing there, eyes all glazed
over, mind lost in the land of sexual fantasy, poor bastard, hope he's
not married!

So that was that until we met the next patrol, on foot this time.

Halcyon tried the same line but I guess the guy was a fag. "Shut up
bitch, I'm taking this one" he said, pointing to Ulotta, "she looks tough"

Fortunately Jack Rabbit showed uncommon good sense and extreme
military understanding and offered to purchase a "draft exclusion" for
Ulotta. The sergeant's eyes lit up a lot and with a lot of "hmmm,
ummm" quickly sold us the said document for 20gp and they carried on
their way.

"Ef eets noot six, eets bluedy moony" said Jack.

"Phew" commented Ulotta, "Imagine having to work with all those
fucken stupid MEN!"

The "draft exclusion" must have been official too as we had no trouble
with the next few patrols we met, nor the Furness gate guards. What a
good break, thanks Jack.

We booked into the Violet Monkey Inn for a few nights, where we met
this strange Dwarf. Named Mel, he struck us as suspicious straight
away with his stupid little cap. Seems he's actually a bald Dwarf.
"Probably one of those bloody Psi chaps" laughed Polly, "come on,
down to the docks"
Well, Mel just tagged along behind us all day, I'm sure he just liked the
look of Halcyon's +3 arse, he was always just behind her!

Seems there was a boat, H.S.Endor, heading out in a few days time,
but it was the coastal tramp: a 53 day trip to Emerald City, at 2gp a
day steerage class. We were all broke, except Polly who muttered
something about a bank, so we all split up to seek funds for the trip.

I tried the TG first, but that was a waste of time. At least they welcomed
me with a pat on the head this time instead of the usual thumping I
seem to get whenever I check into local guilds. Basically the
conversation went along the lines ...

"Hi, I'm louking to gart parssage to Emerald City"
"Well fuck off then, you'll get nothing from us."
"Whoot aboot a spote oof work then?"
"What?, fuck off and do your own jobs ya little runt."

Bastards, too bad I'm no good at picking pockets.

So down to the docks to try out as a guard on the Endor. I must be able
to use my fighter ability here I assumed. Well, the interview was
basically a fight with their biggest no-neck sailor thug using bloody
belaying pins. I mean, who the fuck uses belaying pins for fighting?
Actually, I guess that no-neck sailors must use them because I only
managed to get one hit in before being knocked out. Still, they must
have been bloody impressed with my skill on the short bow, after I shot
down about three tossed apples and pinned one to the mast, because I
got the job. Jack reckons I got diddled, only getting lodging, food and
passage but that's OK, at least I'm going to get to Emerald city.

Jack tried out for guard duty as well, but hey, he's just a tailor, no
wonder he was knocked out in two rounds and laughed off the ship.

"Eye'll be furcking barrk!, eye'll shoew you. Eye'm oof to thar Carsino,
art least they don't gue themping lettle folk aboot"

He did come back, only had enough dosh to get to Scabport though.
Reckons he'll be able to get enough sewing jobs on the voyage to pay
the rest of the passage. I reckon he plans to steal something, his
sewing efforts are pretty crap, you should see his attempt at a new
chef's cap for the cook. Mind you that suit he whipped up for the first
class passenger looked a pretty snazzy job.

"Tailor to the reech and farmous, tharts me" he said.

Seems we all managed to get on the Endor one way or another: Polly had
funds for herself, Mel the bald Dwarf tagged along and got a job as a
guard like me, Flung and Halcyon got passage paid by their churches,
but Ulotta could only afford the passage to Sancho.

"He, he. You ruv it in Sancho" said Flung, "They ruv de gur-ree there"

Seems that Halcyon doesn't like the hammock setup in steerage, and
spent most of the first day with her head in a bucket, and the rest
hanging over the side of the ship. "It never stops moving" she was
heard to splutter, between barfs. Still, once she found the Aquamarina
priestess and got "treated" she's been a whole lot better. Hope she can
afford the "treatment" for the other 50 days!!

Some of us (not me) are a bit put out that two Imag priests have got
first class passage and have set up a small shrine to Imag up on the
bow. Bloody religion, it'll get us all in trouble, I can just tell.

Still, we'll just have to wait and see ...