The Bungled Break-In

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Tuesday 19th August

Jack Rabbit - Male Halfling Thief - Darryl Sherwood
Polly Ester - Female Human Bard - NPC
Ulotta Puck-off - Female Shield Maiden Parry-Fighter - Edwin Muir
Finn Finnegan - Male Halfling F/T - Jeff Clendon
Asi van Dit - Male Halfling Thief - Adrian McKinnon

DM - Andrew Earl

Things had started to get quite quiet on board the ship.

Everyone had had enough of taunting Ulotta and were just
happy to goggle from a distance. Every now and then there
was an ejaculation competition, just to see who could
shoot the furtherest. Unfortunately Ulotta always seemed
to wind up catching a lot of splatter, but hey, that's
what Imag bitches are for isn't it?

The hubbub over the missing half elf Druscilla died down
pretty much directly after we left Porn City and the only
break in the monotony was when the Imag priests or the
Gnome slavers left their cabins and wandered about the deck.

Boring.

Mel was still doing the scummy jobs, perhaps Dwarves
actually like working in smelly confined spaces in the
dark, with no view of the open sea or fresh air. Actually,
when you put it like that, it's no wonder he was doing
the scummy jobs!

As we were heading into Highport I noticed that Asi and his new half-elf
mate Antonio (a Trap-man) was sneaking about the companionway in a
furtive sort of manner, so I wandered over to see what was up.

"Hey Asi, whoots oop?" I asked.
"Fook, will ye queet sneeking aboot lark dart. Shhhh, Eye joost
woont to see if da slarvers wheel be gooting oof at Highport."
"Course day are, Eye cood ave tol ya dart," I whispered.
"Eye on da crew ya know."

We loitered about during the docking and watched the two Gnomes
disembark with two of their last few slave girls. Asi reckoned
that they would be selling the both of them and coming back with
a big bag of gold. Sounded pretty likely to me too. We decided that
a quick reconnoitre around their cabin would be safe enough while
they were gone. There was only one slave girl left by our count
and she shouldn't prove a problem. Asi was sure that she would
give any assistance that we asked, and we could promise to free
her from the evil slavers.

It worked out just like that too, amazing.

The girl was very co-operative, a bit nervous at first when we picked
the lock and sidled into the room. Must have thought we were going
have our way with her. Apparently Asi and Antonio did later.

We found the chest, tested the lock, and found it practically fell
open to our deft touch. Empty of course, but that would soon be
rectified when the slavers returned, we assumed.

Having calmed the girl, checked for traps, tested and oiled all the
locks, opened those we could and decided to ignore those we couldn't,
we sidled out again. At least I did, the other two didn't follow for
about ten minutes.

"She was really appreciative," whispered Asi when he finally emerged.
"You should have stayed."

We decided that it would be best if we carried out the raid early
one morning before the Gnomes reached their final destination, and
made the appropriate preparations.

Meanwhile, Ulotta the Imag bitch had been undergoing an interesting
transformation. Each time the ship docked she would dutifully
accompany the Imag priests ashore, visiting their unholy places and
undertaking heaven-only-knows-what unholy rites and rituals. And
each time she returned to the boat looking more and more ... what's
the word? ... dark.
One time she came back wearing an ugly looking black leather helmet
that glowed with an eerie black darkness and cast a strange umbra,
kind of a permanent shade, all about her head.

At least she was still wearing that fantastic "uniform" that Jack
had manufactured. In fact Jack was churning out more suggestive and
revealing gear daily, and the priests were paying for it!
Fantastic!

The chosen night of the raid duly arrived and with much expectation
we all met at the rendezvous point at 2 bells be'light. The boat was
deathly silent; the ocean was as still as a frozen pond, and Asi,
Antonio, and I slipped across the deck as silently as a breeze.

Asi, Antonio and I crept up to the Gnomes' door. Antonio checked
for traps while we kept an eye out for the other crew on watch.

"Bloody wire trap here now," whispered Antonio, "but I can cope
with that."

"Sssshhh" signalled Asi.

The door silently swung open on the pre-oiled hinges and we slipped in.

Like someone’s brother Phil, the plan was simple. Just creep across
to the two Gnomes, tap them into unconsciousness, take all the money,
free the girl, and creep away again. None the wiser!

"CRRREEEAAAKK!!" went the floor.

"He's looking straight at us" whispered Antonio to Asi.
"Fooking geet deem" whispered Asi.

A brief melee resulted. Brief only because after the first flurry
of blows I decided that the loud squealing and yelling of two
Gnomes engaged in mortal combat might attract a little attention,
and quickly decided that there were better places for a few
Halflings to hang out on a cold morning.

"Fooking roon" I yelled, and headed for the door.

"Clunk, thwack" went a pair of Gnome daggers, one into the door
and one into Asi's back. Asi fell through the door and slumped
against the companionway wall. Antonio quickly closed the door
and somehow we managed to hoist Asi between us and make it back
to his room before the place was crowded out by crew and passengers.

Slipping quickly back towards the scene, after discarding my dark
overcloak, I again took my role as loyal ship-guard Finn and demanded
to know what was going on.

"Whoot the fook is goon oon!" I yelled.

I managed to get onto the investigating team and stall the
investigation till morning. Halcyon, after hearing of our gallant
attempt to free the slave girl, cured Asi up to full, and his sliced
and bloody clothes got lost overboard.

In the morning the Gnomes complained that thieves had entered
their rooms and got away with piles of gold, potions, scrolls, and
magic rings.

"Whoot??" exclaimed Asi. "Did either of you geet enything?"

This outrageous lie was most fortuitous as we were able to employ
the services of one of the mage passengers to "detect magic" and
we scoured the whole boat, top to bottom, and didn't find one item
that could possibly have been stolen from the Gnomes.

"Darts a fooken relief," said Asi.

Nor were there any injured short people located among the crew or
passengers. Most strange. We almost had Captain Trotter believing the
whole thing was a fabrication by the Gnomes to get some
compensation from him.

Anyway, they left the ship at Scabport, with their slave in tow,
and with all their gold safely in their money belts. Bastards!

"I dink dar Captain's goot ploonty of gould in his carbin" said
Asi the next day.

Once a thief...