The Carnival

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Tuesday 20th May 2003

Smorgus Bord - Male Halfling Thief - Ian Luxton
A la Carte - Ogre Strength-Fighter - Darryl Sherwood
Bin Dover - Male Dwarf Thief - Richard Kobold
Polly Ester - Female Human Bard - Andrew Earl
Finn Finnegan - Male Halfling F/T - Jeff Clendon
Ulotta Puck-off - Female Shield Maiden Parry-Fighter - Edwin Muir
Siofra - Female Halfling Thief - Matt Carr
Arzie Vandit - Male Halfling Thief - Adrian McKinnon
DM - Steven Krijnen

As you recall last week, the Elf A La Carte had been killed and was
reincarnated by our Patron - the powerful witch Elaine.
We discovered that we had used the wrong reincarnation table.
We used the 7th level Priest spell one - whereas we should have used the 6th
level Wizard one. (Yes, I thought they were the same too)
So Darryl rerolled and he came back as an ... Ogre.
He elected to be a Levelled Ogre rather than a Monster Ogre. So he is a
level-one Ogre fighter. Really, no better than a Human strength-fighter in
this mode.

An Ogre cook who speaks Elvish.

The first thing A La Carte did was to wander into town on a leash held by
Smorgus Bord(Ian's 1-hitpoint thief).

Surprise of surprise, the town guard attacked him. A La Carte (and Darryl)
was pissed off "but I haven't done anything!"

"Yeah, apart from being an ogre ... duh!".

So he fled back to Elaine's mansion amid a hail of arrows. In the ensuing
melee, Smorgus Bord got hit by two arrows and nearly died.

Edwin brought in a Shield Maiden called Ulotta Puck-off
Richard Kobold was visiting so he played a dwarf disguise-artiste called Bin
Dover. And spent the whole evening switching from Pensive Island accent, to
Gnomish, to bad Elvish, to Dwarvish (= Jamaican, Indian, French and German).
Bin Dover could go invisible at will - well he thought he could - by waving
his arms, and the rest of the group played along with this.

Anyway, to cut off a long story square...
In Spine there are two rival Thieves Guilds run by brother and sister
thieves Randy and Sandi. We originally (weeks ago) tried to join the Randy
TG but were met with contempt and distain. However, last week we met up with
Sandi and got a job to reconnoitre Randy's TG.
So me (Polly Ester, Bard), Finn Finnegan, Bin Dover and Puck-off
wandered back to Randy's "warehouse" (TGHQ). They let us in and while I was
checking out numbers and classes, Finn was spinning tales about Sandy's
beholder vault and the secret tunnels (of which Randy was very interested).

That evening, Finn met the Sandi's green-jersey-wearing contact by the town
gate and gave him the report on Randy's numbers (18 thieves, 5 fighters, 2
Sancho fighters, 2 psis - no priests of wizards).
The contact then gave us a job - we'd be paid 500gp for each of Randy's
Thieves that we could lure away so that they could be taken out.

With this in mind, and in light of our party's configuration and lack of
fighting ability, lack of priest or wizards spell-users, we arranged for
there to be a carnival in town in two night's time:
Come see the dancing ogre!
See dwarf tossing!
Cleavage readings!
Lyre playings!
Punch a dwarf!
Spar with a Shield Maiden!

I bought a large cage, a wagon and two horses.

This was all to occur in the town green.
Centre stage was the ogre cage with the dancing and singing ogre. Next was
the fighting ring where volunteers could wrestle a Shield Maiden to win
prizes. Or to one side you could punch a dwarf. Or should you so desire, get
punched yourself.

The reader of cleavages was to be Smorgus Bord, having vast skills in this
area (so he claimed). For his readings we set up three tents next to each
other. One containing the Cleavage Reader and client, one the Drool room and
one the Grab room.
The Grab room was over a manhole cover down to the Spine sewers. The plan
was for me, using Thieves Cant (hand signals) to lure the male Randy thieves
into the Drool room - here they could peep through the slit in the canvas of
the tent and watch the Cleavage Reader in action - and his client's tits
(all for only 1 silver piece). At my signal, the Sandi thieves would pounce
on the drooler and spirit him away to the sewers.

Anyway, to cut off a long story square ... again.
The ogre danced and sang that well-known Elivish ditty "Chanson Damour"*.
The dwarf got punched.
The Shield Maiden fell asleep in her ring.

And as for the Cleavage Reader: well many lucky girls from the town had
their cleavages read -  as well as a few gentlemen and some old whores.
We successfully lured four hapless Randy thieves to ogle in the Drool Room,
and they were successfully grabbed by Sandi's thieves.


* = NB
Chanson Damour lyrics:
Chanson d'amour, honkey honkey honk, play encore.
Here in my heart, honkey honkey honk, more and more.
Chanson d'amour, honkey honkey honk, putain d'elf.
Each time I hear, honkey honkey honk, Chanson, chanson, d'amour.
Every time I hear, putain putain, d'elf