Tuesday 30th September Asi van Dit - Male Halfling Thief 2 - Adian McKinnon Finn Finnegan - Male Halfling Thug 2 - NPC Flung Chow Wong - Male Human Monk 2 (FW TF) - Ian Luxton Halcyon - Female Priestess of Panadine 2 - Matt Carr Gavin Scone - Male Human Fighter 1 - Darryl Sherwood Polly Ester - Female Human Bard 4 - Andrew Earl DM - Jeff Clendon
Well, anyway, Polly scrounged up some work for us to do from the Benign Benefactors of the Order of Real. I'm not so sure about working for other religions, but I guess it could be worse. Anyway, we have been asked to retrieve an item from an old house out in the country. Hopefully, a bit of history tied up in it all.
Anyway, we milled around while we waited for some people to get the regular bruising that seems to accompany training and then assembled ourselves and headed off out to the countryside.
It was reasonably easy to find our way there, the locals were fairly helpful in spite of the fact that Gavin Scone is carrying a stinky roll of rotting lard with an escorting flotilla of flies. I have a good mind to report him if we find anyone resembling a health authority.
He says he is a fighter — well, he has the build of an escape artist and I doubt he could do more than two rounds with pint of bitter. But we are a bit desperate for a fighter — having plenty of scouting, studying, singing, singeing and tit-swinging type people already.
On our way to the abandoned house we came across the symptoms of a violent attack who informed us of a dwarf, an elf and two humans who had attacked them, with some other people. We looked around to check it wasn't us, and breathed easier when we realised we were innocent. But it would be worth keeping an eye out for the brigands.
We arrived at the big house, the Charles Mansion, after some time travelling (not like Dr Who).
Anyway, I was a bit concerned it might not actually be abandoned and we may have been conned into nicking an item — something that can happen in my profession of archeology — but then I guess the great museums are all built on pillaging tombs. As we Funkens say: "all roads lead to knowledge."
Anyway, we scouted the mansion. Mr Ecky-Thumper [ Gavin ] went to wash his lard loufer in the stream, while the more hygienic of us looked for back passages or concealed entrances.
It was a mighty erection, but it looked like we would need to do a full frontal approach. I wasn't too keen on scaling the heights.
We entered the front door — well, what was left of it — and the nice-titted little cleric [ Halcyon ] looked for traps and magic. We figured it should help find the wand, the stone walls were a slight impedance, but seeing through the floor above helped. These spell things only last a short time. Even shorter if you're Polly.
Well, no luck on the ground floor. I think we found a cupboard with some armour that Ecky would have done well to don. There were several sets of stairs going up and a spiral staircase going down so we set off down. We heard noises from below, which was unnerving, and eventually wound up fighting some dogs. I'm not sure why, but having over-estimated our canine combatting abilities, we then had to beat a retreat. Tits the cleric then then did a Speak to Dogs spell, found out they were wolves, and told them to forget we were violent and cured them. I had a look around with Invisibility to Animals (one of those spells you're never actually sure has really been cast on you — if they charged for it I'd never believe 'em) But there was nothing around, so we left them to their lair and recuperated for an hour or so. When the casters were ready (we're always waiting for those buggers) we headed upstairs. I scouted ahead, trying to be hidden, and heard some more noises. This time we found we had real company.
Someone was in a room that detected magic. Someone in our group (not sure if it was Chinese Noodle [ Flung ] or Titty) asked them, through a locked door, if they had seen a magic wand. They said no, didn't know one was even there but they'd be pleased to forward it to us if they found it and could we please fuck off.(Kinda dumb telling them I guess in retrospect but we wanted to know it wasn't theirs.)
Polly went for a scout outside, climbing their tower to a window with a view, and we quickly established they were probably the band of brigands based on the fact they had a dwarf. Like us.
Anyway, we decided a quick forced-entry would get it over and done with. I was thinking there was only one guy there. We assumed the position. I got ready to push the door open after picking the lock. Ecky and Chinese Noodle ready to run in and secure the room. Just before we were about to go in there was a smash and clang. I am not sure if I heard some sniggering as well.
We bashed into the room. I let loose an arrow at a dwarf with a crossbow pointed almost right at me. My life passed before my eyes but thank Funk he missed. I think hit him but it seemed to bounce. Anyway, I pulled back for a bit to let the fighters talk reason to them and if that failed, steel. Well steel (and lard) seemed to win out. So a fight was on. I looked for a shot in the melee, but didn't want to hit our side, there was a bit of spell-casting going on. I saw the velour in sight as I moved back forward. Ecky was swinging like a crazed butcher and Noodles was a blur of precisely placed blows but they seemed to be struggling.
I let loose my nocked arrow and the velour crumpled to the floor. "That's going to take a fair bit of ironing," I thought and decided I was going to be needed in the fray.
Tits went in — ooh, what a distraction — and cast her magic on Noodles I think. It was a bit confusing.
I tried to sneak behind the dwarf and stab him from behind but he saw me. I got him anyway and he dropped like an iron-boned bastard.
They weren't keen on surrendering, so I helped Noodle with his one. Ecky came too, but wasn't needed as I took out the last standing guy with a swing of my new and improved sword. Three kills. "What mighty magic flows in this blade?" I thought.
Well, while the others tended to their wounds, we found Polly on the window. She had apparently attacked through the window, which was very brave, and had taken out one of them for some time with her powerful magicks. This explained the smash we heard, and perhaps the sniggering.
Well, a weary party then took to nursing the wounded, recuperating and securing the room. You have to respect these guys — vigilant even when heavily hurt — they cheekily thought I was looting the bodies when I did the rounds to make sure that there would be no trouble from their fallen numbers.
Lots of love, Asi van Dit