Known World |
| Previous | Up | Next |
Lieutenant Thwouse thought it would be a "bloody great" idea if our Special Squad took Grunter and a few local guides and headed up into the area to reconnoitre the region and ascertain if the so called "creeping black shadow" creatures posed any threat to the local human settlements, Hickford in particular, and if the current activity of the lizardmen might be somehow attributed to this, or similar incidents in the high country. Grunter was assured that we would sort out the problems for him, provided his clan would be willing to send a few friendly ogres back to deplete the local lizardman population in return.
He gave us two days to recuperate and recover from the swamp debacle (he wouldn't tolerate Grunter in the area any longer than that), lent us a +1 double-sword, a +1 longsword, a Staff of Curing, and a Ring of Return, and then sent us Klibwards on the "reconnaissance" mission.
"Take as long as you need" he commanded as we left "... and preferably don't come back" he muttered as we passed through the compound gates and headed for the river. There were eight of us that left; the original Specials (excluding Fiona who hadn't survived the swamp patrol), Grunter the "friendly" ogre, and two militia rangers who were to guide us on the initial stages of the journey, at least until Grunter was in familiar territory.
The militia rangers were two of the most unlikely characters you would expect to find in the militia. Corporal Tamper was one ugly looking individual with a visual impairment. A short stumpy human about 5'3 high with a body odour problem, he was always belching and farting, and according to Randy must have existed on a diet of onions and beans. His eyes never appeared to point in the same direction, and he had to squint to make out anything further than 15' away. How he ever became a ranger is beyond me, and I suspect that he has misrepresented his abilities in this regard. Now I think about it, perhaps he isn't quite so unusual in the Militia at all.
Private Argo was quite different. Extremely good-looking females are very uncommon in the Militia, or so I've found, but Argo was the exception to prove the rule. She was a real hottie about 5'10 tall, she had great-looking long legs that seemed to stretch forever, and tight leather breaches that stretched as well! With a smile that lit up the area like a Light stick, a great sense of humour, and a long bow slung over her shoulder, she was a joy to have travelling with us; up the front of course.
Honorary Sergeant Danno (recently temporarily promoted above Corporal Tamper so he could legitimately keep him in line) immediately made her his adjutant in the hope of winning her affections (it seems that his recent pleasant stay in the Sioxante Neuf Temple had boosted his ardour), but to date she hasn't seemed interested. Perhaps I'll try my luck!
The first stage of the journey was to be up the Hick river in a barge. Typically towed by a small team of oxen or horse, Grunter had a different plan, and as soon as we had climbed aboard and stowed our equipment (except for Zippo who was "no fucking way am I travelling on that shitty-looking waterlogged good-for-nothing raft" standing on the bank next to the horses — note that the term "bank" was a bit of an exaggeration; the Hick river basically just blurred into the surrounding swamp and the only way to tell the river had started was the fact that the sparse vegetation thinned out even more than normal, that and the fact that you disappeared up to your shoulders and got swept away if you accidentally crossed the "bank"), he snatched up the tow lines, broke the towing harness loose like it was made of paper, and started off upstream with the barge in tow.
"Excellent" said Argo, "this is twice as fast as normal." Tamper immediately lost his balance and sprawled across the equipment, nearly knocking Randy into the river.
"Oh" suggested Randy lewdly, "just wait till tonight you naughty little man"
Needless to say it was raining again!
Grunter pulled us steadily all day with Zippo splashing along beside him till Tamper pointed out a dryish (above the general water level) campsite that would do for an overnight stop. Zippo was extremely glad to stop and rubbed all the mud and water off his armour before collapsing in a heap inside his small tent.
"Too tired ... to stand ... watch" he puffed, and slipped into the Land of Nod.
After a peaceful, albeit wet, night it was back on the barge for half the morning, Tamper squinting off to the left till he let out a yell and pointed out a small stream.
"We go up there" he stated, "that should lead us up into the right area"
So we offloaded and headed up the stream into the Bugbear Hills.
"Do we have to walk up the bloody stream" queried Zippo.
Fortunately, we were now well out of the swamp and travelling across the plains leading into the foothills. Great open expanses of flat grassland stretched away to the left and right but the only cover was down in the small gullies and stream-beds. Tamper took the lead, his short legs slashing his way upstream, with Grunter and the rest of us strung out behind him. It wasn't too long before the persistent rain finally stopped, and we began to enjoy a bit of REAL's light breaking through the thick and opaque sky overhead. Steam was soon rising in tendrils from Stanley's bald head as he dried out, and in fact, rising from all of us.
"At bloody last," sighed Zippo.
After about two hours, Grunter grunted and grabbed Tamper's head to stop him as we all paused in the stream. Apparently Grunter had sniffed out some bugbears ahead. After a brief but intense skirmish involving Grunter rushing in and swinging wildly, many shots from our missile weapons, and a lot of cheering, and some typical ogre celebrations involving sodomy and necrophilia, we were able to continue on our way up the stream. I had managed to search through the dead bugbears' possessions and was lucky enough to find a bottle of elven wine, a few coins, and some strangely carved sticks.
"A bottle of elven wine" noted Argo wistfully, "you are a lucky bastard"
Zippo had shed his face mask in the increasing heat of the day, and as he smiled at the dead bugbear bodies, his two short fangs protruding down over his bottom lip, Grunter turned and looked him straight in the face.
"Grrrrrrr" he roared, "Black Thing; KILL, KILL"
Zippo staggered back in confusion as Grunter's huge fist swung over his head, and Bookem only just managed to calm him down before Zippo was pulverised by Grunter's sudden aggressive attack. Obviously not a fan of vampires!
"Mmmm, maybe we might find ourselves up against a real vampire" speculated Randy "I wonder which way they swing?"
Bookem soon cleared up Zippo's status, and we were off. Grunter was leading us to a cave he knew about, but didn't expect us slow humans to be able to get there till a few hours after dark. And he said, he didn't want us to have any lights showing, as this was likely to attract unwelcome visitors.
Adjutant Argo was feeling the effects of the drying out of leather breaches, and slipped off to change into something more comfortable, before she lost feeling in her legs. She returned in a nice short leather skirt, and looking even hotter.
Travelling in the dark without lights was a challenge, but we spaced out the few of us that were capable of seeing in the dark, and all linked up in a human chain holding hands. I made sure I was holding Argo's hand. Maybe I'd even try the elven wine on her tonight!
| Previous | Up | Next |