JETHRO: Yes, Sir!
AMELIO: Pull out the personnel files on all staff for my perusal.
JETHRO: You have it now, sir.
AMELIO: Open a diplomatic channel to Draser. Find out where Valeria is, and if she is alive. If so, station an operative nearby.
JETHRO: I shall get Pete Williams there to check. It will take at least two weeks for a reply.
AMELIO: Invite Toby Velcro and Bloarg to join the team. If dead, find their bodies and raise them. Spare no expense.
JETHRO: I have an answer from Toby Velcro already, sir:
Toby:"I respectfully decline your most generous offer, but I have my many businesses in Poger to attend to. I must also decline your offer on Bloarg's behalf."
[ Toby Velcro was an assaliant that Tim played against the other RPing party, the Tuesday Mob, many years earlier. ]
AMELIO: Send a WOMAN to establish diplomatic contact with the Shield Maidens. Find out what happened and whether there is a reward for Burnt Sienna. Will they cooperate?
JETHRO: I've sent Georgina the Bust.
AMELIO: Determine quickest possible transport for myself and my team to Zibrost.
JETHRO: That would be your black coach, sir. We can ride on horses. It'll take about five days. Three if we push hard and travel at night."
AMELIO: My code name for the duration of Operation Kipper shall be "Lorenzo the Cripple".
JETHRO: Roger, Lorenzo sir. Might I ask how you are crippled, sir?
AMELIO: Do you have to be crippled to be called "the Cripple" ? Is Simon really self-imolated? But I seem to remember my face is hideously deformed. If I am dressed in black and carry a crutch and am called "the Cripple", people won't find it odd that I also hide my face.
AMELIO: Search my records and see if I have a secret base somewhere.
JETHRO: Only in Scabport, sir.
AMELIO: I have a plan for dealing with invisibility, which has caused me so much pain in the past. I will have some dogs trained to attack invisible beings. This should be within a dog's abilities, since he can smell the victim and also hear him; anyone he can smell and hear but not see is a target. Search the catalogs and see if anyone provides such a product; if not, then my idea is new and original and should not be bandied about. So no direct enquiries.
JETHRO: "Invisible-trained dogs (Mastiffs) can be bought in most major cities. sir. Zibrost too. They are expensive though, sir, 250 gp each.
AMELIO: Worth considering then. But 250 gp seems rather a lot. But then so is 7500 gp!
AMELIO: Conduct a snap inspection of all staff - anyone not carrying his invisibility screamer is to be severly reprimanded.
JETHRO: You only have three invisibility screamers, and issue them on missions. You want me to buy some more? They cost 100gp each and we might be able to get them in Zibrost.
AMELIO: Five ought to be enough.
From: Lorenzo the Cripple Let it be known throughout my loyal staff that Lorenzo the Cripple was a cripple from birth, walks with a crutch <Jethro, get me one!>, and is deformed in various nasty ways too horrible to think about. Lorenzo. |
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AMELIO: Dagwood, as my best thief, you are presumably my best disguise artist. Do you suppose you could impersonate someone else sufficiently well to fool his comrades?
I'm considering a plan to replace one of Burnt Sienna's lackeys with an agent of my own (you?) and thereby to keep track of her even if she should escape my more orthodox methods.
DAGWOOD: There is no way that I could ever remain disguised as part of the group for any significant period of time. Especially when subject to close inspection. Could you not use the powerful magicks that Simon boasts he has, to magically disguise someone?
AMELIO: I'm considering this.
DAGWOOD: Or maybe make someone invisible.
AMELIO: But what if the target and her party escape invisibly? And invisibility is not permanent either.
DAGWOOD: Or maybe it would be better for you to infiltrate their group with a person who is not disguised at all.
AMELIO:I'm considering this too.
DAGWOOD: Are they a suspicious lot?
AMELIO: Wouldn't you be with 7,500 gp's on your head? But you are right, we just don't know.
DAGWOOD: Do they hire mercenaries for one-shot jobs?
AMELIO: Probably they do. But I want someone who can stick with them for the rest of their natural lives. (Or until recalled)
DAGWOOD: By the way boss, what is an "orthodox"?
AMELIO: I don't know. Jethro insisted I put it in.
JETHRO: Boss, I need to know: 1. Our speed for the trip Poger-Gazebo-Grezbo-Hymer Saddle-Zibrost plains-Honkeysville-Zibrost:
JETHRO: 2. "Marching order" : Who is on point, who brings up the rear? I can handle this if you want, boss, but I need to know if we are taking your magic coach, and who is allowed to ride in/on it. I can issue the rest of our group with horses.
AMELIO: You decide
JETHRO: Magic coach?
AMELIO: Me, you, and as many other henchmen as will fit, in order of descending level.
JETHRO: It'll hold four inside: You, me, Bones and Simon. It'll hold another two riding on top : Sharlene & Dagwood. And one riding on the back : Gloria.
AMELIO: I'll put Simon inside since he has a nasty cough, and we don't want him catching a chill. "Self-imolated" presumably refers to the number of cigars he smokes.
JETHRO: 3. Provisions and standing orders for attack. I can handle this too, if you'd like boss.
AMELIO: Yes. Try to stay out of trouble if possible.
JETHRO: Travel through certain routes is not necessarily a trivial exercise, sir. We will probably get "taxed" by the Shield Maidens once we have crossed the mountains. It would be safe to budget at least 30gp for this.
AMELIO: OK. Listen for rumours along the way. Make sure all staff have seen the wanted posters in their "latest" form.
Bunking Roster in Zibrost Inns:
1st Me and you: The Buxom Sylph
2nd Dagwood, Renee: Madame Tryst's Parlour
3rd Simon, Uma, Gloria: The Hungry Hunter
4th Sharlene, Oswald, Georgina, Cornelius: The Corselette and Clown
5th The rest: The Porcine Scrub
JETHRO: The Gnome Post is a world-wide communication system which uses magically enchanted high-speed wagons, driven by Gnomes, to send letters to most inhabited places of the Known World. It speed is four times that of a fast caravan or wagon train (about 240km a day). The price is always the same, 1 gold piece for a single letter to anywhere (parcels done pro-rata - or as they now say "pro-Gnome"). Every major settlement has a Gnome Post Office, and the smaller places have pickup and drop-off boxes. The Gnomes care nothing for receiver identification in these remote facilities. They just match the town name and dump the letter.
AMELIO: How secure is the Gnome Post. Has it ever been attacked or robbed?
JETHRO As far as I know, boss, Gnome Post is guaranteed secure. It is supposed to be a politically independent organization and as such is not allowed to be harassed by governments (rumour has it that it is under the protection of the all-powerful UGW - The Wizards' Guild). To quote the cliche: 'Your letters are secure with us. Or we'll drink our own urine.'
AMELIO: They'd better be secure, or the Gnomes will be drinking my urine!
JETHRO: Stories abound of so-called "high level adventurers" trying to take on the Gnome Post. These always end in death and tragedy — and never for the Gnomes. In fact, some of the better stories have been taken by post-modern Elves and made into morality plays. Very zeitgeist.
JETHRO: The Bank Of Specularum. The BOS is the only bank in the known world that has "global" accounts. (Rumour has it that the money is stored on another plane.) This means every branch can find out instantly how much you have in your account. And you can thus withdraw/deposit money at any branch. You can set up multiple-user accounts which allows fast monetary transfers to distant lands.
E.g. Toady Williams deposits 100gp in Specularum and you can withdraw this 100gp here in Zibrost. The catch is that they charge a lot. It costs 2.5% (min of 2gp) for a deposit and 7.5% (min of 5gp) for a withdrawl. So a "telegraphic transfer" costs you 10% - ie one tenth.
The BOS prides itself in having the finest person identification system in the Known World. They claim that the best Doppelgangers, Wizards and disguise artists in the land have not managed to fool it.
The BOS also claims it has never been robbed, and, like the Gnome Post, they have a motto that if they ever lose your money, they will publically drink their own bathwater.
The BOS has a branch in all major cities. There is one in Zibrost, but none of the towns klib of Zibrost has a branch.
AMELIO: Can I send money to Pusville by Gnome Post?
JETHRO: Yes, this would count as a parcel so I'm guessing 2gp. Remember, though, that the Gnomes have no receiver identification in these small towns. You will have to make sure that our guy is there to collect it when the Gnome Post passes through.
AMELIO: Do they take bills of exchange, cheques or any other financial instrument?
JETHRO: No.
AMELIO: Give me some calculations of distances and routes between Zibrost and Scabport.
JETHRO: I've got those distances from the McKyber Almanac, boss. I was a bit shy in my original estimates.
Zibrost to Scabport :
As the dragon flies : 1500 km
By road (via Thurndeck Theocracy, Trundle and Highport - a difficult seasonal route) : 2500 km
By road (via Draser & Fenster & Spite, easier, more "civilized" route): 6000 km
Although, sir, when the Almanac was written, there wasn't a war going on between Fenster and Draser. We can bypass the front by going through Heffer - that would add another 500km.
By sea : 4000 km
There is another route. We go across the mountains to Gazebo, and charter a barge. We then simply ride the Spite river all the way down to one of the Spite cities on the coast and either take the coast road to Scabport, or go by boat. This distance, however, is the greatest. I estimate 8000 km.
Since we have your coach, I would advise the route through Thurndeck and Trundle. Once we get past Hackeron (about a week's travel), slavery is legal all the way down to Scabport. Noone is going to bat an eyelid if they see us dragging around an attractive captive woman. We just pretend she is a slave - I could even get Dagwood to make up some fake papers. We'd have to brand her too, on her upper thigh - I don't think Scabport would care a toss.
The sea route would prove a bit more difficult as the antislave ships of the Free Coast Navy patrol the sea most of the way down to Furness.
The other "safer" inland routes (road and barge) through Fenster and Spite would be chancey since they are more "enlightened" and slavery is strictly illegal there.
JETHRO: Zibrost and Hackerton are the two main ports on the Free Coast for large ships. Consequently the Free Coast Militia has a navy, called the Free Coast Navy (FCN). It is by far and above the largest naval presence in this part of the world. The other navies around here:
Then look up your spell catalog and make a list of spells useful for covert surveillance. Obviously Invisibility, Change Self and Alter Self should be on that list. Also, I've heard that people can be shrunk by an order of magnitude or turned into gas. Then again, there should be spells for seeing through walls, seeing and hearing clearly over long distances, reading minds, etc.
Don't forget magic items. I heard a tall tale about a pebble that shrinks you when you squeeze it. Certain kinds of Crystal Ball would be useful too. There was also this story of a Helmet of True Seeing, whatever that may be.
JETHRO: Here you go, boss.
Time is counted down until dark. "Bells" during the day. And "Be'light" ("Bells before Light") for during the night. So 1 bell is one hour before dark. 3 be'light 3 hours before light. Time conversions to Earth equivalents assume "sunon" [ dawn ] is at 7am, and "sunoff" [ sunset ] at 7pm. Thus 1 bell is 6pm.
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