"Operation Kipper"

The Trap

     
  To: Lorenzo the Cripple, Zibrost
From: Simon, Caveton
Date : M10Grow [ day 17 ]

Here's my full report boss.

First of all, you will find it difficult to get a hold of me straight away. By the time you read this, we shall be in Druiseville Klib heading klib. The company of Free Coast Militia from Hackerton and Zibrost will be relieving the siege there and will then proceed to Pusville and to Sea Rune.

My squad, "The Dirty Dozen", has been assigned to this company. I am told the lines of communication between the relieving company and Zibrost will be kept open - this means Gnome Post - so you should be able to send me letters.

My squad consists of the following people:

  • Burnt Sienna - a stunning woman fighter, ex Shield Maiden
  • Aria Galliard - a beautiful elf wizard
  • Bjorn Silverfish - a homely elf fighter
  • Cannibi - an exShield Maiden shaman, 60+ years old, advisory capacity
  • Gloria Vegan - a pretty woman fighter
  • Irmantrude - a homely human female wizard with disgusting dress sense
  • Pitt - an ugly dwarf thief
  • Rhiannon - an ugly halfling psionicist
  • Roger - a handsome but thick male human fighter, very strong
  • Stella Artois - a beautiful elf priest of 21
  • and me
I got to Sea Rune invisibly with Gloria Limpid. The squad escorting the food wagons was indeed ambushed and shot to pieces by gnolls. The food wagons were all captured, I assume. Me and Gloria were tied together (so we would not get invisibly lost) and she noticed a group of FCM hiding nearby so we snuck up on them.

It was Burnt Sienna's squad minus Burnt Sienna, so we followed them invisibly back to Sea Rune. I then uninvisibled and volunteered to the FCM asking to be assigned to a squad with lots of elves. So I ended up in Burnt Sienna's squad minus Burnt Sienna.

With Gloria's help, I broke into the UGW building that night and I sent you the telegram.

Burnt Sienna, at this time, was struck down with the Marmalade and was being kept in the Real temple on their grille.

Gloria Limpid, I told to keep scouting around town.

Anyway, my squad got sent on a few missions - one of which was to retrieve the legendary Shield Maiden sword Alicia. It was being held by the Sea Rune Thieves' Guild (they were unable to get it out past the blockade). We found it and gave it to the Militia.

Eventually Burnt Sienna got better and rejoined us. She is pregnant, and not sure if the father is Roger or some Lieutenant in the Fenster military. She is 28 weeks pregnant. The baby is due in the first week next year.

We were sent on a reccy mission into the Kobold hills looking for someone's lair by the name of Zaguk - the alleged leader of the humanoids. Our commander was Lance Corporal Pugwump, and we also had a Private Oil. The rest are detailed above.

To cut off a long story short, we found some caverns, saw an immense humanoid horde amassing therein, alerted them, and fled for our very lives. Private Oil died straight away. The rest of us got split into two groups. I was with Burnt Sienna, Bjorn, Gloria Vegan, Pugwhump and the unconscious Rhiannon.

Burnt Sienna had an argument with our Leader Pugwhump - she wanted to leave for Sea Rune immediately, he wanted to wait for the rest of the squad. So, while his back was turned, she snuck up behind him and bashed his brains out with a rock.

So we now had two unconscious people to carry, and Pugwhump was the only one in our group who knew which direction to travel.

It took us four days to get out of the mountains. During that time I befriended Burnt Sienna, and got to know her real well (wink wink). She came to think of me as her "Magical Bodyguard" since I promised to turn her (and me) invisible at any sign of trouble. She has a hot and fiery temper sometimes, and her tantrums make Georgina's look pretty mild: a real firecracker. You wouldn't want to cross her, but if you are her Magical Bodyguard, then things are sweet.

Eventually, we got back to Sea Rune, but it had been overrun by the nasties. I can only presume that poor Gloria Limpid bought it. So we carried on funkenwards, moving during the day and hiding at night, and got to Caveton after another two days.

Another interesting thing. Near Druiseville Klib, we observed the nasties transporting some kind of glowing substance on carts, at night, from the Druiseville forest heading klib. I spoke with Zebedee, a mage in Caveton, and he proclaimed that it was some kind of "microstarfall".

Simon the Self-immolated.

P.S. The Shield Maidens are looking for their silly sword again. I can only guess the FCM never got it clear of Sea Rune when the town was overrun.

 
     

JETHRO: We will just have to wait for Georgina to contact us. Let us hope her bust is not getting her into too many problems.

AMELIO: "What are the rumours concerning sexual practices of Shield Maidens?

JETHRO: "I was being facetious, boss. I think she'll be okay. Especially now that the Shield Maidens are being a lot more cooperative since they are trying to recover their sword.

"But, concerning the sexual practices of Shield Maidens, rumours abound. I'll list all the ones I can remember, but I cannot vouch for their authenticity. Take your pick, boss:

AMELIO: What do Rock Heads and Honkeys call humans?

JETHRO: Dwarfs call humans "humes", "fishfaces" or "beardless buggers" ("BBs" for short). Dwarfs call Elves "honkeys" or "pointy-ears". Elves call humans "children" or "Olive's children". Elves call dwarfs "sons of earth".

     
 
     
  Amelio Broachcask
Bounty Hunter Supreme
"Your felon is my pleasure"		  
     

To: All staff, Zibrost
Date: I9Grow [ day 13 ]

Here's the position, then:

  1. Free Coast Militia have the sword in Sea Rune. It is therefore off the agenda for the time being, and probably for good.
  2. The Kipper is still alive and seems to be kicking, and may be assumed to be in the vicinity of Sea Rune.
  3. We can do nothing until the siege is lifted, but we could get some of our ops into the relief column.
  4. We have lost two ops, presumed killed by Gnolls. May REAL's sacred light illuminate their souls. They'll have to be replaced.
  5. The Kipper dare not go klib over the Orc Pass. She dare not goes anti over Shield Maiden territory. If she goes funken she'll pass through Zibrost, leaving a trail a mile wide as always. If she goes battlewards she'll go by sea, and once agains she must pass through Zibrost.
  6. So whatever happens we'll pick up the trail in Zibrost sooner or later.
  7. And the further funken she goes, the better for us.
Does anyone have anything to add to this analysis?

Lorenzo

 
     

     
 
     
  Amelio Broachcask
Bounty Hunter Supreme
"Your felon is my pleasure"		  
     

From: Lorenzo
To: Jethro

Renee shall join the Free Coast Militia for one season. Georgina seems reluctant to join the FCM, so I have devised an alternative. There is no need for you to go, Jethro.

Lorenzo

 
     

     
 
     
  Amelio Broachcask
Bounty Hunter Supreme
"Your felon is my pleasure"		  
     

From: Lorenzo
To: Georgina
CC: Jethro

Georgina, go to Honkeysville and retrieve the Kipper's equipment from the law. Jethro was not even permitted to see it so you'll have to break in and take it. Jethro will fill you in on everything he knows.

A mission more suited to your talents, perhaps? But if this is not to your liking, you can join the FCM for a season. Take your pick.

Lorenzo

 
     

Amelio summoned Bones

"Bones," he said. "As the chief cleric in my party, you are presumably both my prime expert on magic and also on medicine. I have some questions regarding pregnancy."

"Sure boss."

"The third trimester is 28 to 40 weeks, correct? This means very pregnant, having to lean backwards to stand up etc."

Bones nodded.

"What does pregnancy do to magic resistance. I.e., does it have any affect on saving throws, and which way?"

"Pregnancy makes the target succumb to magical effects more easily [ -4 to save ]," replied Bones. "I assume this is something to do with the body's immune system being depleted."

"This means that we should grab her while she's still pregnant," said Amelio. "The poor sprog will probably be born in captivity on the way to Scabport. What are the chances of Burnt Sienna herself dying in a traumatic childbirth?"

"It depends on her constitution and hardiness, Boss. [ To survive birth, she has to make a successful (system shock + STR*2)% roll.]"

"Wouldn't it be embarrassing, Boss?" chuckled Bones. "All the trouble you've gone to to capture her, and she dies with a difficult birth. How we would laugh."

"What a remarkable sense of humor you have, Bones."

"Although, having a priest, me, nearby during the birth would help immensely."

"Good," nodded Amelio. "Now, what is the likely affect of micro starfall on the unborn child?"

Bones thought about this for a while, then replied: "That is a tough one. I have no evidence to go on, but if one extrapolates the effects of a major starfall, it is well known that the woman has to be in the area for the first 28 days after conception. Day 26 is especially important. Was Burnt Sienna here then?

"Maybe yes, maybe no," said Amelio. "But the starfall (if that is what it is) was early this season, and she'd have been well into her second trimester, if not her third. So the starfall should be too late to affect the child."

Bones continued: "As far as effects go (taking the major fall case again) the child, if human, is either still-born or comes out horribly deformed. If the father was a half-elf, however, we could be looking at half-elf children."

"Alleged father is human." said Amelio. Adding "Star fall is when a piece of REAL falls off. What if a piece of IMAG fell off? I suppose it would rise and not fall, so it wouldn't land on the Known World."

"So the Wizards say."

Date: M10Grow [ day 17 ]

Amelio summoned Bones again.

"What I am about to suggest is morally repugnant even by the standards of bounty hunting," he began. "So keep it strictly between you and me."

Is it possible to remove someone's limbs, keep them separate, and re-attach them at a later date?"

Bones nodded.

"This is one of the 'creative questioning' techniques that priests of Malechai are taught." he said. "You basically chop off the limb and the victim will normally pass out from shock. You then quickly cast a Cure Light Wounds on the stump which should stem the blood flow. CLW also stops infection. Unfortunately, the wretch can die from the shock. [ One System Shock roll required per limb. An average 10 CON person's SS = 70% ]

Do this once for each limb and bring the victim round. They'll usually then talk when you wave their severed limbs in front of a fire. And then you 'send them on their way'."

"I know a spell exists for reattaching limbs," said Amelio. "Presumably it can be reversed, so that the limb can be removed painlessly and without risk of infection. ('Amputate Limb' ?)"

"No. Not at all," said Bones. "This spell does not exist. And anyway, where's the fun without the pain?"

He added after a pause: "I presume you have this in mind for Burnt Sienna. But Scabport want her alive, don't they?"

     
  To: Lorenzo
From: Georgina
Date: M10Grow [ day 17 ]

I been and come back from Honkeysville. Talk about easy! The Jail stable was not even locked. I snuck in after dark. There was a stable-boy there so I beat him senseless, tied and gagged him and put him in a sack. Then I took the horse and all the equipment that belonged to the Kipper, saddled it up, and rode back here.

I arrived here this morning. The Zibrost gate guards did not even question me.

Here is an inventory:

  • One horse. Well-looked after in excellent condition. "SM" brand;
  • One set of reins, bridle, et al, all Shield Maiden issue;
  • One saddle, SM issue;
  • One SM saddle blanket;
  • Two saddle bags, both empty;
  • One riding crop, SM issue;
  • 30 metres of hemp rope;
  • 10 metres of cotton rope;
  • One longsword scabbard, SM issue;
  • One waterproof overcape, SM issue;
  • One wineskin, 4 litre capacity, empty;
  • One frying pan;
  • One SM pup tent;
  • One SM Tilly lantern;
  • One leather backpack, SM issue. Very worn containing:
    • Three days of Shield Maiden iron rations;
    • One money pouch with 54 silver pieces and 10 gold;
    • One set of SM clothes, Hot seasons;
    • Four changes of SM underwear;
    • One SM belt;
    • One SM issue captive kit : hand-cuffs, thumb-cuffs, ankle-hobble, gag, blindfold, tongue depressor, ear plugs, nostril clamp, cheese wire;
    • Many feathers of assorted colours;
    • One large leather sheet;
    • Four large hemp sacks;
    • Seven small water-proof leather bags:
    • one containing some dried faeces - yuk!
    • one containing a collection of rubber tubing;
    • one containing some plaster of paris;
    • Assorted lengths of thin leather cord;
    • One double-handed sword wrapping, SM issue;
    • One make-up? kit - lipstick, mascara, rouge, powder, etc, and mirror;
    • One small glass bottle of herbal mixture;
    • One small wooden statue with a large phallus;
    • One paring knife (very sharp) and scabbard;
    • Four prophylactics, 2 used;
    • Six small wooden stakes;
    • One ball of string;
    • One small wooden mallet;
    • One sewing kit;
    • One piece of soap;
    • One glass vial of grease;
    • Five ceramic flasks of parafin;
    • One pair of minature scissors;
    • One flint and steel and box of tinder;
    • One fine file;
    • One piece of chalk;
    • One sharpening stone;
    • One box of white powder;
Georgina the Bust 		 
     

     
 
     
  Amelio Broachcask
Bounty Hunter Supreme
"Your felon is my pleasure"		  
     

From: Lorenzo
To: Georgina

REWARDS
Help yourself to the Kipper's cash.

HORSE
I've just realised that you've got the Kipper's horse. It is likely that the Honkeysville stable boy, the Kipper, and all her mates would recognise this beast without a second glance. Therefore we must get rid of it. We can't risk selling it, because the new owner might go to Honkeysville or run into the Kipper etc.

As I see it we have these options:

  1. Kill the horse and dispose of the body
  2. Take it into the Zibrost Forest and lose it
  3. Take it into the Zibrost Forest and kill it
  4. Put it on the next boat to Hackerton
  5. Take it back to Honkeysville under cover of IMAG's scared darkness
I am inclining to option 3. Options 4 and 5 leave far too much evidence for the Honkeysville police to find. Still, option 4 has some advantages.

So here are my instructions:

Take the horse into the Zibrost Forest as far as you dare and kill it with arrows. I deeply regret the necessity for this. Take Sharlene and Bones with you if you must.

As for the rest of the loot, for REAL's sake keep it hidden. You'd better tell me where it is, though.

IMPERSONATION
Do you suppose you could pass yourself off as a Shield Maiden? Could you fool the Kipper?

I ask this because at some stage it might be useful to be able to convince the Kipper that the Shield Maidens are on her tail. This would encourage her to go funken, which is what I want.

And, don't worry, you won't meet her face to face, except perhaps in a big city.

After all, if you really were leading a Shield Maiden execution squad, you wouldn't want the Kipper to see you anyway.

But if you can pass for a Shield Maiden, and you make your enquiries in a public and arrogant manner, then word will get around. I could just circulate a rumour I guess, but eye witness reports back each other up and the rumour spreads further.

E.g.: suppose the Kipper is at Pensive and is thought to be heading back klib. In response to this, we get our Shield Maiden pursuit team to ask lots of questions at Aurioch, making sure to question everyone who is heading to Pensive. The Kipper is sure to hear the rumour, and will turn back. We hope.

In any case, I wouldn't ask you to do this alone.

Lorenzo

 
     

Date: M10Grow [ day 17 ]

Jethro ushers in a pretty blond woman. She is about 1.7m tall, of slight build and between 25 and 30 years old. She is dressed in smartly-tailored bottle-green velour robes with the latest high-fashion stiff collar. She carries herself well and bears a hint of the usual arrogance associated with mages.

"Hello Mr Lorenzo. How do you do?" Her front teeth are crooked. "I am Zelda. Zelda the Self-acquired."

"Mr Matey McGunty sends his blessings and told me to tell you that if you're ever in Hackerton to, and I quote, to bring your anal blisters and syphilitic sores around to his place for a good old nosh up."

"Ho ho ho," said Lorenzo sarcastically with a grim smirk.

"I am a wizard and have trained three times which means I can cast second order spells. Mr McGunty said you would be especially interested in Change Self and Alter Self. I have both those spells. And Invisibility too.

"I charge 15 gold pieces per day, paid weekly, in arrears. Plus lodging and board. Plus the usual mercenary share. I shall require the first week's pay in advance. Plus here is a receipt for my sea trip from Hackerton - ten gold pieces."

"Jethro will pay you what you're owed."

"I will relate with you on a strictly business level and I expect to be treated accordingly. Mr McGunty was good enough to warn me of your, how shall I put it, your unusual attitudes and expectations towards females in your employ. I would like to make it perfectly clear that I am not that kind of woman."

"Mr McGunty is an old friend of mine and he will have his little joke."

She frowned, but continued: "If this is understood, I shall be glad to get down to business."

"About myself:

"I was born 28 years ago in Furness. I worked as a slaver's hand until I was sixteen when my magic first showed itself. I then joined the Wizards' Guild in Furness and was formally trained as a wizard. Since then I have worked as a mercenary many times, and have been part of an adventuring group. You may have heard of us: 'The Green Stilettos'..."

Lorenzo shook his head.

Zelda continued: "I have also worked for bounty hunters too, and once even had an interview with Red Rikor (he was looking for five finger wizards, unfortunately).

"As for my other useful spells, I have Magic Missile, Sleep and Charm Person".

     
  To : Lorenzo
From: Zelda the Self-acquired
Date: D10Grow [ day 19 ]

I encountered Rhiannon. I was disguised as an Free Coast Militia sergeant. She is female, by the way, and by IMAG's dark butt she is ugly.

She showed me her pass and talked quite freely about what she was doing in Zibrost. I think she feared me - good old FCM discipline!

Every year all Psionicists must report to a branch of the Psi Guild for the annual Reckoning on REAL holiday [ day 21 ]. Rhiannon was given permission from her platoon commander Lieutenant Calcutta to go down to Zibrost. Her squad is currently stationed in Druiseville Klib.

Rhiannon is also due for level training which is why the lieutenant let her come down two days early.

After the REAL holiday, she will stay another two days to do some "more training" - looks like we have a multi-class here, a psionicist/thief. She will be level 2/3 when finished.

She will then return to Druiseville Klib.

Zelda

 
     

     
  To: Lorenzo the Cripple, Zibrost
From: Simon, Druiseville Klib
Date : REAL holiday [ day 21 ]

Okay, boss. Where to I begin?

We didn't get sent up to Sea Rune after all. The company of FCM troops left without us. We were assigned to Lieutenant Calcutta's platoon (FCM, Zibrost).

We were assigned a new squad commander, a Lance Corporal Donna Mushroom. With a bit of combat experience, she was taken straight out of another squad and promoted from Private first class to Lance Corporal. A pleasant enough sort of girl.

Two other privates joined us too - Privates Jane the Incipid and Janet Stubble. Those two had been with Burnt Sienna's squad before I joined. This minus Aria and minus Rhiannon brought the numbers up to eleven.

Aria got struck down by the Marmalade and her unconscious body was left on the REAL grille.

Lieutenant Calcutta let Rhiannon leave for Zibrost for psionicist training and The Reckoning.

We were then given our orders - to investigate the Druiseville forest and the alleged Micro Star fall therein.

We left early on D10Grow [ day 19 ]. Burnt Sienna was disguised as a man - not a very good one - and managed to fool a patrol of four Shield Maidens that stopped us for questioning while crossing the five or so km between Druiseville Klib and the forest.

Lance Corporal Mushroom waved an "official" Shield Maiden pass under their noses - giving us permission to travel on the Zibrost Plains.

We arrived in the forest around 10 bells [ 9am ] and entered it immediately. By IMAG's butt it is a tangle of overgrown plants. Some of the plants' leaves were enormous. And the insects! Terrifying. A mosquito the size of a bulldog, a giant maggot, a nasty huge beetle, and enormous spider. Ugh! Roger fell down a huge trapdoor spider's lair and was bitten and poisoned unconscious. So we retreated and camped on the forest edge for the night.

Lance Corp Mushroom ordered a redoubt to be made which was just as well because during the night some giant slugs arrived, but were caught in our trenches and spikes. A large moth attacked too. Stella the priest could not cure Roger so gave up trying.

The next morning we again entered the forest (leaving the still unconscious Roger with Pitt to guard him), and fought our way right to the centre. In a clearing of flattened trees was a huge pile of brightly purple glowing star stuff with the consistency of butter. Overcome with the ecstasy of the wonderful stuff (pure unadulterated magic, you know), myself and Irmantrude rushed on in.

The next few hours are rather a hazy memory. The others tell me that several of them joined us too. We all threw off our clothes, and engaged in some kind of sickening sexual orgy.

Luckily, Lance Corporal Mushroom, Bjorn Silverfish and Stella Artois managed to keep their heads and dragged us all out. We then left the forest entirely after the Lance Corporal had filled a magically shielded backpack with the stuff.

Outside the forest, Stella who was carrying the backpack (she has the best magical resistance), had the bright idea that the star stuff might make Roger better. So, with us standing at a suitable distance away, her and Mushroom opened the pack.

This was a mistake. They both were immediately overcome by it and thrust their heads into it and began smearing it on each other. Off came their clothes.

Irmantrude and me, a good twenty metres away, felt the blast of magic again, and we overcome. We rushed in to join.

Another memory blank.

When I finally came around, all of us - the whole squad - were naked, entwined in a large communal embrace and drenched in sweat. We all dressed in embarrassed silence.

There was no star stuff left (looks like it fades away when in contact with the ground, or maybe the acres of exposed flesh absorbed it).

Roger was up and about. Looks like the stuff has curative properties too!

Not willing to go back into the forest, Lance Corporal Mushroom ordered us back to Druiseville Klib.

When we got back to barracks and while Mushroom was reporting to the Lieutenant, Burnt Sienna foolishly went and told all the other troops during tea about the experience and the "sexual orgies" with "unlimited orgasms". Straight after tea, about ten troopers left.

When Mushroom found out, she was furious. She ordered Burnt Sienna to put herself on a charge in jail. Mushroom collected us and we raced out onto the plains on horses to try and intercept the AWOLs before they got to the forest.

Unfortunately, the uppity Shield Maidens, vengeful for a chance to get their own back on FCM troops (over the FCM incident expressly forbidding them from harming Burnt Sienna), got to the troops first.

The troops of course had no Shield Maiden passes so by rights belonged to the Shield Maidens. When we arrived five were dead (shot to pieces), and four were bound. They let us have one back "as a token of good will".

Mushroom reluctantly reported to Lieutenant Calcutta and he took her stripes. Then, in a fit of rage, Mushroom stormed into the jail and into Burnt Sienna's cell. Burnt Sienna, who was handcuffed, could do nothing to defend herself, and when the guards finally arrived to break it up, Burnt Sienna was beaten senseless, her jaw broken and skull cracked. Mushroom was dragged away to another cell. The court-marshall is tomorrow.

The beating caused the birth to begin, so the platoon priest and Stella were immediately called. After a two-hour labour, Burnt Sienna gave birth to an extremely premature baby girl.

Stella told us afterwards that the platoon priest had recommended that the child be taken to Zibrost since Druiseville Klib had no Critical Care facilities. Azure, the child's name, will we lodged in the REAL temple in Zibrost for a whole season (end of Hot Season). Due to the lack of manpower, Lieutenant Calcutta has ordered that Burnt Sienna will not be given maternity leave, nor even be allowed to see the child, until then.

Simon the Self-immolated.

 
     

     
  To: Lorenzo the Cripple, Zibrost
From: Simon, Druiseville Klib
Date sent : S1Hot [ day 23 ]
Arrived: A1Hot [ day 24 ]

We are still in Druiseville Kilb working for Lieutenant Calcutta with the small two-squad platoon of FCM (Zibrost) troops.

Burnt Sienna's baby Azure has been sent to Zibrost (via the Gnome Post! In a barrel!) and is now lodged in the Critical Care centre in the REAL temple. Evidently, the Remarkable Ruler herself (a high priestess of REAL) has taken personal interest in the child's well-being. Azure will be held in Critical Care until the end of Hot in order to grow to a viable and survivable size.

The court-marshal began for Pvt Donna Mushroom but Burnt Sienna dropped the assault charges so the case was dismissed. Then Burnt Sienna was put on trial for "spreading malicious rumours" responsible for the loss of nine troops.

Donna was to appear as a witness but she had taken off. The Lieutenant sent Pvt Gloria Vegetable to go and get her.

Vegetable never returned. Her dismembered body was found ten minutes later on the floor of the "Iron Sock" (a new inn in Druiseville Klib). Speak with Dead and a few frightened witnessed said it was Mushroom.

Someone spotted Mushroom in the Shield Maidens' compound. This patch of land is "sovereign soil" to the Shield Maidens so we could not enter to arrest her. And when we politely enquired as to her presence, the Shield Maiden replied with "Donna who?" and blank faces.

So Lt Calcutta told us "officially" (and loudly) to get off the case, but he added that if Donna somehow turned up in jail "obviously returning of her own volition", then all would be well.

That night we skulked in to the Shield Maiden circle of tepees (in mufti). With the aid of magic et al we snatched Mushroom from beneath the (Sleeping) Shield Maidens' noses.

The Shield Maidens could of course not lodge an official complaint since they denied all knowledge of her.

Mushroom was court-marshalled in a closed hearing that afternoon and hanged the next morning.

That same day some of the FCM HQ wizards told Calcutta to order us back to Druiseville forest to get a "viable sample" of the star stuff so that they could study its unusual properties. We were given a new squad commander, Lance Corporal Enrique Yeller, a magically enchanted backpack to hold the star stuff and two gas-mask type things to allow two of us to remain immune to the star stuff's aphrodisiac effects. Aria came off the REAL grille and joined us too.

By the way, Sea Rune has been retaken by the FCM and the humanoids have all but retreated into the Kobold Hills. Theories, stories and rumours abound that the whole Free Coast invasion was just to enable the nasties, or, more probably, the nasties' bosses to get a hold of this unusual star stuff for some reason.

When we were in the forest at the site of the micro star fall last time, at least half of the star stuff had been taken. (It was presumably on those glowing wagons we saw when we were fleeing from Sea Rune two weeks ago).

So we set out. The Shield Maidens were still obviously irked at the FCM "Mushroom incident" because half way across the plains to the Druiseville forest, a large patrol of the bitches descended on us like a rash.

We were all forced to lie face down on the ground with our hands behind our necks and our legs splayed while they walked over us and laughed and kicked us. This was despite Lance Corporal Yeller waving a Shield Maiden pass at them. They just tore it up. They then stole our horses and departed.

We arrived on foot to at the forest and entered it. More nasty insects and weird plant life like last time. After a few nonfatal encounters we got to the large clearing of star fall and after another few annoying incidents, managed to fill and seal the backpacks.

Aria, myself and Imantrude all got possessed by the stuff. Luckily Stella managed to Hold Person us before we got into a too embarrassing situation.

We got out of the forest with a few minor incidents. Stella got grabbed by a giant spider, but it was driven off.

The bloody Shield Maiden sluts harassed us again on our trip back to Druiseville Klib. They went through the whole petty rigmarole of humiliating us again before they let us go. It was pretty touch and go. They wanted to see the star stuff. That would have been fun (heavy sarcasm here) ten sex-crazed Shield Maidens and us. But Stella and some Charm magic convinced them we were telling the truth (we were too!) and we made it back to Druiseville Klib safely.

The FCM wizards were most pleased with our success. So much so we got a bonus. A 50gp gem each! What ho!

Simon the Self-immolated.

 
     

AMELIO to JETHRO:

Jethro, I'm going to run an idea past you:

I have been doing some research: The entire coast from Zibrost all the way up to Sea Rune is cliffs which range 40 to 150 metres high. The only navigable harbour is Zibrost. Sea Rune has wooden steps down the side of the cliff to a floating jetty at the bottom. Neither Caveton, Druiseville Klib, nor Pusville have any port facilities.

This is going to be a problem if we want to get Burnt Sienna off land and out to sea. When we do nab her, I want to get her out to sea as soon as possible. It makes pursuit by her friends all that more difficult.

I don't want to risk taking her through Zibrost port and we obviously don't want to go klib to Sea Rune. So over the cliffs it is.

Cornelious tells me there is a strong klibwards current running all the way up the Free coast next to the cliffs.

Thus, a very long rope, four to five hundred metres, could be tied to a post driven deep into the top of the cliff a few metres from the edge. The rope can be attached to the bow of a small ketch. Then all the sailors on board do is to tie the rudder firmly away from the cliff. The boat will then naturally drift out to sea and come to rest at a fixed distance out.

This distance would depend on the speed of the current, the angle of the rudder, and the wind - but it can be done during the day.

Jethro, you and Cornelious do some research as to how we could arrange to have some form of flying fox, perhaps aided by spells, to make use of this rope.

It does not matter if Burnt Sienna or our own ops get wet during the descent just as long as they don't get hurt badly.

Later

AMELIO: Do you think you could operate a small boat with yourself as Captain and the rest of our ops as crew?

CORNELIOUS: Aaaar. That I could, Cap'n. Oi be a good sailor. Aaar.

AMELIO: There is some pretty tricky sailing involved (night sailing close to shore).

CORNELIOUS: That'll be a trifle hard, Captn. Arr. I spect you be wantin' to go near the Zibrost cliffs, aar. Pends how close yer want a'go.

AMELIO: Yes. It would involve tethering to the top of a 40m cliff, and then lying 300 - 400m off shore, secured with an 500 metre cable and braced against the current.

CORNELIOUS: Arrr. The flyin' fox idea. Yair.

AMELIO: The boat must carry all ops except two, plus one.

CORNELIOUS: Minus two plus one equals minus one.

AMELIO: Yes. Around a dozen.

AMELIO: What is a plausible cargo for such a vessel to carry from Zibrost to Furness?

CORNELIOUS: Zibrost to Furness? Aaaar. Spect you mean LEGAL plausible cargo, aar. Zibrost's main 'xport'a Furness be meat. Thars also grain and stoneware. Aarr. An' slaves - jus' jokin'.

AMELIO: OK then. Find out whether you can get a boat like we've discussed, and how much it would cost. Also devise a plausible cover story for why twelve landlubbers would be in a small boat headed from Zibrost to Furness.

Then,

THE IRON IS HOT AND I MUST STRIKE

THE PLAN (mk 4)

  1. PREPARATION
    1. Simon takes the Black Coach to Furness. [DONE]
    2. We hire a new merc, who must be a sailor, born and raised in a slavery area, and preferably a priest.
    3. Recall Uma from Druiseville Klib (if alive)
    4. We buy a small boat, capable of carrying a dozen people.
      Boat crew: Cornelious (Captain), New Merc (1st Mate), Dagwood, Arnold, Pitt, Uma, Georgina, Lorenzo
      The boat contains some suspicious stuff but nothing illegal.
    5. We warn Simon that we're planning to snatch Burnt Sienna and that he must come too.
      Shore patrol: Gloria, Zelda, Sharlene, Bones
      Simon is infiltrated, Renee is in the FCM, Jethro will be at Furness, and everyone else is accounted for.
    6. Dagwood will forge a letter to Burnt Sienna from the Remarkable Ruler's staff. Heck, why not go the whole hog and make it from the Remarkable Ruler herself! The letter will be addressed to Burnt Sienna herself, and insist that she take a week's leave at once to visit her baby. The baby is undergoing some magical transformation.

  2. STALKING

  3. THE SNATCH
    1. Before dark, the shore patrol gets a rope across to the boat. The boat is tethered to a post or better yet a tree at the top of the cliff, and stands off from the coast by careful use of the prevailing current. The tether rope is half a kilometre long. (Stored on the boat).
      Every trip from the town to the cliff or back again must be made either with Pass Without Trace or at least the trail should be made hard to follow.
      [thinks: does Pass Without Trace cover up previous tracks? NO. Never mind ]
      Both the boat and the tethering post are lit.
      As soon as the boat is tied up, the shore patrol heads back to Burnt Sienna's hostel and spends money freely, buying drinks for all. Gloria, Sharlene and Bones must be disguised or keep out of sight.
    2. Some way into the party, Bones, Zelda, Gloria and Sharlene get an opportunity to snatch Burnt Sienna (magic?). Simon will be doing his best to make sure such an opportunity arises. Burnt Sienna must not see Bones attack her. Gloria and Sharlene can be seen as they are not coming with us on the boat. They'll wear dark cloaks so that Burnt Sienna will think they are Shield Maidens in disguise.
    3. Bones will wear my amulet vs scrying etc. Since he'll be present from the snatch to the escape, none of this activity should be scryable. Thus there will be no evidence that Shield Maidens are not involved.
    4. Burnt Sienna is bound, gagged and blindfolded and pulled away from the town in a Shield-Maidenly direction. Ops must keep together as they won't have lights. (Actually, they will have lights, but mustn't show them at this stage). Gloria and Sharlene return to the party. Burnt Sienna is trussed up Shield-Maiden-fashion (using her own captured equipment!). Zelda removes the blindfold and Charms Burnt Sienna, Bones confirming that the charm has taken effect with Detect Charm.
    5. Zelda then gives this spiel:
      1. "You've been captured by Shield Maidens."
      2. "Don't worry because I'll get you out of here."
      3. "You've got to get off the Free Coast because the FCM have finally bowed to diplomatic pressure and have given the Shield Maidens carte blanche."
      4. "In fact, you were only captured because of FCM complicity.
      5. "I've got a boat."
      6. "Simon is here too. He's the only one of your squad who escaped."
      7. "This gentleman (Bones) will help us escape by covering our tracks, but he's not coming with us."
    6. Bones, Zelda and Simon release Burnt Sienna and lead her down to the boat, guided by the lantern. (They leave behind two Shield Maiden feathers and a Shield Maiden cheese wire.) Bones casts Pass Without Trace. Finally, a disguise and a change of clothes is provided for Simon and Burnt Sienna. ("We dont want anyone to know you are deserters from the FCM.")

  4. ESCAPE BY SEA
    1. Using flying fox equipment provided by Zelda (or simply waiting at the tether point), she, Simon, and Burnt Sienna all zoom down the guy line to the boat. Each carries a Continual Light stick while flying-foxing. Down at the boat, some of the crew have a dinghy by the rope. The flying fox gear has brakes and/or spells to slow descent (a la Feather Fall or Murdock's Feathery Flier).
      Bones lets go the tether and destroys all evidence. He goes back to the town and joins in the party.
    2. The boat, navigating by the lights of of coastal towns, esp. Zibrost (since the word is flat, the lights of Zibrost should be visible from off Sea Rune!) will head funken towards Furness.
    3. Flying fox gear is thrown overboard, weighted. (Important!)
    4. At Furness, Burnt Sienna is branded as a slave, and prepared for the trip to Scabport.

  5. MEANWHILE, On SHORE
    1. It should be sun-on before anyone is really sure that Burnt Sienna is missing. Sharlene and Gloria circulate rumours that Burnt Sienna was snatched by Shield Maidens during the revels. It will take days to disprove this, as it is all too likely.
    2. Bones, Sharlene and Gloria follow Burnt Sienna's mates from a very safe distance. They must not get caught. Much better to lose the trail than be caught. Any news of interest can be Gnome-Posted to Jethro in Furness.

Onto Transport